Who Deserves What in the Bedroom? Entitlement and the Orgasm Gap


Women experience fewer orgasms than men, especially in heterosexual relationships, a phenomenon known as the orgasm gap. Sometimes scientists and the lay public see this difference as innate or biologically determined, although this is empirically unfounded. Our research focused on the understudied role of social factors—namely entitlement—to better understand gender inequalities in sexual pleasure. Does male entitlement have anything to do with the orgasm gap?

Entitlement refers to a person's belief that they deserve preferential treatment or rewards. Notably, a person's social position plays a crucial role in determining what someone is entitled to. In most societies, men continue to have more power than women, and studies show that men exhibit a higher sense of entitlement than women in several domains. For instance, in laboratory studies, men pay themselves more money than women for performing the identical task (Major, 1994).

But Is Male Entitlement Also A Factor When It Comes To Sexual Pleasure? 

In the first of five studies, we assessed participants' perception of the status quo when it comes to gender differences in pleasure distribution. Our study participants indicated that men receive more sexual pleasure from their partners, whereas women provide more pleasure.            

We then asked participants in a further study to read a short story. The story described a sexual encounter between the fictive characters “Jasmine” and “Michael” in which neither experienced orgasm. If experiencing orgasm can be understood as a male privilege, the absent orgasm should invoke more feelings of injustice for Michael. And, indeed, participants attributed more negative feelings to Michael. For example, they thought Michael would be more frustrated and unsatisfied after the sexual encounter than Jasmine if he had not experienced orgasm. In addition, participants were more likely to choose Michael when asked directly which of the two had been more entitled to an orgasm.

In a next step, we asked participants to imagine a sexual encounter between a woman and a man. Then we asked: "Imagine that only one of them could have an orgasm: Who should have the orgasm?" Using a forced choice format, participants could choose either the woman or man. The result was quite clear: Almost two-thirds prioritized the male orgasm. Interestingly, female and male participants did not differ in their responses. Both women and men prioritized the male orgasm over the female orgasm. 

In another study, participants either read about "Jasmine" or "Michael" who struggles with severe anxiety and depression. According to the story, the best way to improve the symptoms and to feel better is to take a new drug that regulates the neurotransmitter system. Participants then received the information that the physician notes that there is a serious drawback of this drug. About 70% of people who take this drug for the prescribed amount of time lose their ability to orgasm, often for several years and perhaps permanently. After reading the story, participants indicated whether they would advise Jasmine/Michael to take the drug despite the risk of losing the ability to orgasm. Participants were less likely to recommend Michael to take the drug than Jasmine, supporting our assumption that entitlement is crucial in understanding gender inequalities in sexuality. 

Interestingly, in none of our studies did we find gender differences. Thus, both female and male participants were more likely to view men as being more entitled to orgasms. This result indicates that both women and men are likely to buy into this dynamic, with women also accepting the idea that they are less deserving of sexual pleasure.

In summary, belief in male entitlement plays an essential role in maintaining the orgasm gap and thus is an obstacle in achieving intimate justice and gender equality in sexuality.


For Further Reading

Klein, V., & Conley, T. D. (2021). The role of gendered entitlement in understanding inequality in the bedroom. Social Psychological and Personality Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/19485506211053564

McClelland, S. I. (2010). Intimate justice: A critical analysis of sexual satisfaction. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 4(9), 663-680.  https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2010.00293.x

Major, B. (1994). From social inequality to personal entitlement: The role of social comparisons, legitimacy appraisals, and group membership. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 26, 293–355. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(08)60156-2


Verena Klein is a Marie Skłodowska-Curie postdoctoral Fellow at the University of Michigan. Her major research interests focus on women’s sexuality, entitlement to pleasure, and gender differences in sexuality.

Terri D. Conley is a professor at the University of Michigan. She studies gender differences in sexuality, irrationality surrounding risk, and perceptions of bias and truth.

 

Two Words That Rarely Travel Down the Hierarchy: Thank You!

Imagine opening your email inbox and seeing a new message from your boss with the subject: “Thank you!” For many people, this scenario is difficult to envision. Why is that?

Powerful people in the upper echelons of organizations have plenty to be grateful for—they tend to earn the most money, command the most respect, influence the most important decisions, and employ the largest number of people (whose job, arguably, is to support them). To most of us, it seems obvious that they should feel grateful. But do they feel and express gratitude?

The answer often seems to be no. Although some research has found that higher-power people are more likely than lower-power people to agree with statements indicating they have much in life to be thankful for in an abstract sense, decades of research on the psychology of power suggest that power is likely to influence people in ways that nudge them toward feeling and expressing less gratitude when experiencing or reflecting on specific situations with identifiable benefactors. This is too bad, since research shows that simple expressions and feelings of gratitude can go a long way toward strengthening relationships and improving organizational functioning—goals that leaders likely value. Unfortunately, this conspicuous absence of gratitude could potentially undermine relationships and contribute to toxic work environments.

So, we examined the often anecdotally experienced—but rarely scientifically studied—relationship between power and gratitude. Does power actually influence feelings and expressions of gratitude?

We began by measuring the amount of gratitude authors expressed in the acknowledgments section of published articles in an academic journal over a 40-year period. We found that the higher the authors’ professional rank (e.g., Assistant Professor, Full Professor, etc.), the fewer people they thanked in their published articles. In other words, higher-power authors expressed less gratitude than lower-power authors.

Then we analyzed 136,215 comments exchanged among 12,681 different Wikipedia editors, whose level of formal power varied. Specifically, we used a software program to measure the amount of gratitude each editor expressed in their written comments to other editors on Wikipedia “talk pages” where editors discuss ongoing improvements to articles. Again, we found that higher-power “administrators”—who have unique page editing privileges—expressed less gratitude than non-admin editors who have less editing power.

As intriguing as these findings were, we could not rule out an important alternative explanation: Perhaps lower-power people express more gratitude because they are on the receiving end of larger or more frequent favors. Maybe they just have more to be thankful for on a daily basis.

To rule out this possibility, we conducted an experiment where we held everything the same except the participant’s power level. Participants did various tasks while playing the role of a lower-power subordinate or a higher-power boss in an organizational activity with other “employees” who were ostensibly distributed across the country. While participants were working on an especially tedious writing task, a chat box appeared on their screen with a message from another participant, who said they were either the participant’s boss or subordinate. (In reality, one of the researchers played this role and followed a script.)

During the chat, the undercover researcher provided a helpful favor: They offered to complete that tedious writing task so that the participant could move on to work on a less difficult task. The participant had the chance to respond to the undercover researcher and then also indicated how grateful they felt for the favor. Consistent with our earlier findings, those in the higher-power boss role expressed less gratitude while chatting with the “other participant” than those in the lower-power subordinate role, and they also reported feeling less grateful for the favor.

So, the next question was why do higher-power individuals express and feel less gratitude? To answer this question, we put a different group of participants through another organizational role-play.

We learned that higher-power individuals expressed less gratitude because they felt more entitled to receive favors and benefits from others, whereas lower-power individuals expressed more gratitude because they felt a stronger pull to cultivate close interpersonal relationships with others.

A Puzzling Dilemma

Those who arguably have the most to be grateful for and the most to gain by feeling and expressing gratitude are nonetheless the least likely to feel and express gratitude. Therefore, finding ways to get more gratitude flowing down the hierarchy should be a priority for researchers and companies alike (and has already been considered in some research). After all, most of us want to live in a world where everyone’s inboxes are overflowing with words of appreciation. Indeed, a simple “thank you”—especially when coming from someone above you—can go a long way.


For Further Reading

Algoe, S. B. (2012). Find, remind, and bind: The functions of gratitude in everyday relationships. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 6(6), 455-469. DOI: 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x

Anicich, E. M., Lee, A. J., & Liu, S. (2021). Thanks, but no thanks: Unpacking the relationship between relative power and gratitude. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. DOI: 10.1177/01461672211025945.

Magee, J. C., & Smith, P. K. (2013). The social distance theory of power. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 17(2), 158-186. DOI: 10.1177/1088868312472732
 

Eric Anicich is an Assistant Professor in the Management and Organization Department at the University of Southern California’s Marshall School of Business. His research examines the forms and functions of social hierarchy within groups.

Alice Lee is an Assistant Professor of Organizational Behavior in the Industrial and Labor Relations (ILR) School at Cornell University. She explores social influence and its key features in her research.

Look Who’s Talking! Entitled Individuals Break the Rules but Also Enforce Them

We have all witnessed this scene: People stand in a line in front of a desk patiently waiting to buy a ticket, when Person X jumps the queue and goes straight to the front. Some people let it pass, others give an angry stare, but Person Y steps forward and says: ‘If you want to get tickets, you will have to join the queue!’ What kind of personality does Person Y have, and what triggered her reaction?

Norms, such as joining a queue, help keep anarchy at bay. Well-functioning groups depend not only on people’s willingness to follow the norms, but also on people’s readiness to reinforce the norms when someone violates them. To understand what makes people reinforce the rules by reacting negatively to norm violators, my colleagues and I at the University of Amsterdam examined people’s feelings of entitlement.

Entitlement refers to an inflated view of self-worth and the accompanying sense of deserving to be treated better than other people. This sense of deserving more than other people propels entitled individuals to violate social norms that stand in the way of obtaining desired outcomes. For example, entitled individuals are more likely to misbehave in the classroom, cheat on their romantic partners, commit research misconduct, and play politics at work. Importantly, entitled people often break rules to improve their social status, because status fuels their sense of self-worth.

Given the strong link between feeling entitled and breaking rules, one might expect that entitled individuals would react less negatively to other people who also break rules.  After all, entitled people are rule-breakers themselves.  On the other hand, because entitlement involves the desire to advance one’s own interests, one might expect that entitled individuals would react more negatively to other people’s norm violations. After all, those other people are moving ahead of them without deserving it!

We tested these competing expectations about the role of entitlement in a series of experiments where we increased people’s feelings of entitlement by having them complete a writing task. Specifically, we instructed one group of research participants to write down a few reasons why they should demand the best in life, deserve more than others, and should get their way in life (high entitlement).  We instructed another group of participants to write down reasons why they should not demand the best in life, do not deserve more than other people, and should not always get their way (low entitlement).

After writing reasons why they should or should not be entitled to get what they want in life, participants were asked to imagine a political debate in which a candidate running for president was asked to express his core values. Some participants read that the candidate stated that he strongly believes that rules are there to be broken and that he is ready to break all rules that prevent the nation from achieving its goals, showing that the candidate is willing to violate social norms. Other participants read that the candidate stated that rules should be followed at all times and he is ready to follow all the rules that allow the nation to achieve its goals, indicating that this candidate believes that norms should be followed.  

Next, participants rated their willingness to support the political candidate as leader and their willingness to punish him for his political views. Both reduced leader support and increased punishment are negative reactions that would indicate that participants rejected the candidate. The results of our research showed that high-entitlement individuals have the most negative reactions to norm violators: Highly entitled people are both less inclined to support candidates who advocated violating norms as leaders and more willing to punish them.

We also asked participants how threatened they felt about their own status. After reading about a norm-violating political candidate, high-entitlement participants felt most threatened about their status. Further analyses showed that high-entitlement participants reacted more negatively toward the violator because they experienced greater status threat.

To get back to jumping queues, Person Y—the woman who challenged Person X’s effort to get to the front of the line—may have felt more entitled than average and more threatened about her status, which explains why she revolted against Person X.

Now you may wonder: “Isn’t it hypocritical for entitled individuals to break rules themselves and at the same time tell other rule breakers off?” Probably so, but one has to also acknowledge that, despite their selfish motives to protect their own status and to get as much as they can, entitled people’s insistence that other people follow norms helps to sustain social order.

The finding that entitlement may have a positive effect on norm enforcement is intriguing because entitlement is often associated with negative, maladaptive, and antisocial effects. However, here is a caveat: Before one starts thinking about how one can instigate feelings of entitlement to curb rule-breaking in schools, the workplace, and politics, one has to consider that entitlement has two distinct aspects: an antisocial aspect that involves exploiting others for one’s own benefit and an aspect that reflects individuals’ evaluation of their self-worth. My research suggests that it is the latter variant of entitlement that makes people sensitive to their status and willing to enforce the norms.

So how can this research improve your ability to call out someone who is hurting you—or other people—by breaking a rule? The next time someone jumps the queue, think of what you are rightfully entitled to and you may find yourself more likely to speak up. And enforcing the social rules that society depends on will be to everyone’s benefit.


For Further Reading:

Stamkou, E., Van Kleef, G. A., & Homan, A. C. (2019). Feeling entitled to rules: Entitled individuals prevent norm violators from rising up the ranks. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 84, 103790. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2019.03.001

Stamkou, E., Van Kleef, G. A., Homan, A. C., Gelfand, M. J., Van de Vijver, F., van Egmond, M. C., et al. (2019). Cultural collectivism and tightness moderate responses to norm violators: Effects on power perception, moral emotions, and leader support. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 45, 947-964. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167218802832

Stamkou, E., Van Kleef, G. A., & Homan, A. C. (2018). The art of influence: When and why deviant artists gain impact. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115, 276-303. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000131


Eftychia Stamkou is an assistant professor at the University of Amsterdam and a Fulbright scholar at University of California, Berkeley. She studies how the sociocultural context influences reactions to norm violations at work, in politics, and in the art world.

Entitled People - What to Expect and How to Deal With Them

We have all encountered someone with a heightened sense of entitlement. The customer who tries to return merchandise he damaged for a full refund. The student who demands an “A” despite not doing good work. The employee who complains about not getting a promotion even though she does not deserve one. The celebrity who asks “Don’t you know who I am?” when told that there are no available tables at a restaurant.

Researchers in the field of psychology who study entitled individuals define entitlement as a personality characteristic in which someone has a pervasive sense of deservingness. People high in entitlement believe that they should get what they want because of who they are—and their sense of deservingness is not based on what others would consider to be good reasons.  Entitled individuals think they deserve more than other people, even when they really aren’t better than others.  Some people feel quite entitled overall, but people’s sense of entitlement can also fluctuate, and there can be times when even a normally unentitled person feels temporarily entitled. The sources of entitlement are not fully understood, but researchers have pointed to factors such as how people are treated by their parents and other authority figures, messages from the media, and other life events, especially those that make people feel that they are special.

To study entitlement, researchers must first identify whether someone is entitled. The most common way of doing this is for researchers to ask people to report their own level of entitlement. People rate how much they agree with statements such as “I honestly think I am just more deserving than others,” and the more strongly people agree, the more entitled researchers consider them to be. And, yes, some people actually admit that they have a sense of entitlement! After identifying someone’s degree of entitlement, the researchers then go on to observe how this person behaves.

One major conclusion from the research that other researchers and I have conducted is that, not surprisingly, other people often have difficulty dealing with entitled individuals. In fact, interacting with highly entitled people can lower your well-being. People with a sense of entitlement are more likely to create conflict, behave dishonestly, and act selfishly. In one study, entitled individuals were even more likely to take candy from children! Entitled people are also less likely to apologize for their mistakes and to follow instructions.

The people who interact with entitled individuals are not the only ones who suffer the effects of entitlement. It is also difficult to be an entitled person. Entitled people have high expectations that often go unmet, which can lead to disappointment and psychological distress. Entitled individuals are also more likely to have difficulty maintaining positive relationships with other people, and they often believe they are being treated unfairly.

Although feeling entitled can create problems, there are also some advantages. Research shows that entitled people are sometimes better at creative problem-solving, and entitled people may also perform better in certain types of negotiations. When entitled people ask for what they want, sometimes they actually get it, whether it’s deserved or not. And because entitled people have a high view of themselves, they may be less likely to let others take advantage of them. Thus, being entitled can sometimes be a benefit, particularly when it is not essential for the entitled person to maintain positive long-term relationships.  

So what should we do when we encounter an entitled individual? It is hard to change someone’s personality, and research indicates that it is particularly difficult to make someone feel or act less entitled. But we can do things to avoid reinforcing someone’s sense of entitlement. For example, when entitled people make unwarranted demands, it might be better not to give in, because doing so may make them even more certain that their entitlement is justified. And when saying “no” to entitled people, it may help to explain why your refusal is fair, because perceptions of unfairness are linked to even more entitled behavior in the future. (Of course, entitled people are unlikely to think something that doesn’t benefit them is fair, but it doesn’t hurt to try.)

Finally, instead of trying to make people feel less entitled, perhaps we can capitalize on the advantages of their sense of entitlement. For example, if there is something you really want, send an entitled person to ask for it because this person will not be afraid to make demands. Sometimes it is important to fight for something, and the fight might be more successful if the people who make the request feel fully entitled to get what they want. It helps to keep in mind that although entitlement has many negative consequences, it is not all bad.


For further reading

Grubbs, J. B., & Exline, J. J. (2016). Trait entitlement: A cognitive-personality source of vulnerability to psychological distress. Psychological Bulletin, 142, 1204–1226.

Zitek, E. M., & Jordan, A. H. (2019). Psychological entitlement predicts failure to follow instructions. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 10, 172–180.


Emily Zitek is an Associate Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Cornell University School of Industrial and Labor Relations who conducts research on personality, social hierarchy, and discrimination.

Entitled People Don’t Follow Instructions Because They See Them as “Unfair”

From job applications to being in line at the DMV, instructions, and the expectations that we follow them, are everywhere. Recent research found people with a greater sense of entitlement are less likely to follow instructions than less entitled people are, because they view the instructions as an unfair imposition on them. The results appear in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Scientists already know entitled people - technically, individuals with a higher sense of entitlement - are more likely to believe they deserve preferences and resources that others don’t and that they are less concerned about what is socially acceptable or beneficial.  For authors Emily Zitek (Cornell University) and Alexander Jordan (Harvard Medical School), understanding the reasons for their behavior could lead to solutions as well.

“The fact that there are a lot of complaints these days about having to deal with entitled students and entitled employees,” says Zitek, “suggests the need for a solution.”

Zitek and Jordan conducted a series of studies, first to see who was more likely to avoid following instructions in a word search. After establishing that people who scored high on measures of entitled personality were less likely to follow instructions, they provided a set of scenarios to try to understand why the entitled individuals ignore the instructions: selfishness, control, or punishment. But none of these affected the outcomes; entitled people still wouldn’t follow instructions.

The researchers were surprised that it was so hard to get entitled individuals to follow instructions.

“We thought that everyone would follow instructions when we told people that they would definitely get punished for not doing so, but entitled individuals still were less likely to follow instructions than less entitled individuals,” said Zitek.

A final set of experiments, exploring fairness, finally got to the reason: “Entitled people do not follow instructions because they would rather take a loss themselves than agree to something unfair,” wrote the authors.

“A challenge for managers, professors, and anyone else who needs to get people with a sense of entitlement to follow instructions is to think about how to frame the instructions to make them seem fairer or more legitimate,” said Zitek.

Zitek and Jordan write that organizations and societies run more smoothly when people are willing to follow instructions.


Social Psychological and Personality Science (SPPS) is an official journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP), the Association for Research in Personality (ARP), the European Association of Social Psychology (EASP), and the Society for Experimental Social Psychology (SESP). Social Psychological and Personality Science publishes innovative and rigorous short reports of empirical research on the latest advances in personality and social psychology.