Perhaps one bittersweet lesson from the pandemic is how much we need our friends and how much we can miss them. Sure, family time is great, but friends bring that extra spice to our lives—the laughter, the conversation, the commiseration. This academic year, many children headed back to school, reuniting with dearly missed friends and getting the much-needed opportunity to make new friends.
Now, ask yourself: Who are your children’s friends? Most children tend to befriend only same-gender peers, which can promote gender biases in some children. But, if you are a parent or teacher, perhaps you should consider providing opportunities for children to be with others from different gender groups. Findings from our recent study suggest that early friendships with other-gender children can help address the roots of sexism. Gender bias in children is concerning for both its short-term and long-term effects on later relationships.
Gender-Diverse Friendships Can Decrease Prejudice
Our study examined the consequences to children who spend time with other-gender friends. We interviewed ethnically-diverse 2nd and 4th graders once at the beginning of the year and once at the end of the year. At both time points, children reported how many other-gender friends they had from school, home, in the neighborhood, or from extracurricular activities. They also reported their gender attitudes, which included how much they thought girls or boys were on qualities such as “smart,” “nice,” “dumb,” “mean,” “annoying,” and “tell the truth,” and how many girls or boys made them feel positive, negative, or anxious.
Over one-third of children reported having no other-gender friends. However, children who did have other-gender friends were less likely to hold negative attitudes towards others based on their gender. For example, compared to a boy with few friendships with girls, a boy with more girl friendships, for instance, showed less prejudice a year later. That is, he was more likely to report positive attitudes (such as saying that girls are “nice”) and less likely to report that other-gender peers made him feel negative. The same links to less prejudice were found for girls with more boy friendships.
Having One Good Friend From A Different Social Group Is Good, But Having More Is Better
Prejudice was especially reduced when children added more friendships with children from other gender groups. The good news is that these changes between diverse friendships and reduced prejudice seem to work in both directions—for example, girls with boys as friends became less prejudiced toward boys; being less prejudiced toward boys later motivated girls to seek out boys as friends, setting in motion a positive cycle between developing friendships and reducing prejudice. This positive cycle also is seen for boys with girls as friends.
These findings are important because children’s prejudices surrounding gender undermine social harmony. Children who act on their prejudices may tease and bully, act as gender police to monitor other children’s behavior, reject or exclude others, and unfairly divide resources. A concern is that the common behavior of gender segregation among children may contribute to as well as be a consequence of gender prejudice. In classrooms, lunchrooms, and playgrounds, girls and boys seldom interact, and the more they segregate, the more they act in gender-stereotypical ways and the less likely they are to engage with other-gender peers.
Practical Tips For Parents And Teachers To Promote Gender-Diverse Friendships
Parents can provide opportunities for children to form gender-diverse friendships, such as through their choice of extracurricular activities. For example, if young children are open to trying new activities, instead of enrolling a daughter into ballet, a parent could consider encouraging her to join a chess club. Parents and teachers can easily promote mixed-gender situations by supporting and reinforcing diverse playmates when they occur naturally or arranging for situations where they are likely to occur.
One key to these interactions is ensuring that children feel good about themselves, happy, and comfortable when with children who are different from themselves. In our study, we found that it was experiencing positive feelings rather than reducing negative or anxious feelings that most strongly brought girls and boys together. For example, in a separate study, preschool teachers assigned children a “buddy” for the week with girls and boys paired to enjoy simple activities together, such as blowing bubbles or using a parachute to bounce a ball. These fun and cooperative activities helped slow the tendency for gender segregation to occur within classrooms over the course of a semester.
The pandemic shuttered our children indoors, physically away from classmates and friends. Children had many fewer opportunities to practice being kind, good, and social people. Let’s make a conscious effort, for our children’s sake, to maintain and increase those friendships that cross gender lines. Having these experiences early in life may be particularly effective in eliminating the roots of sexism before it spreads.
For Further Reading
Halim, M. D., Martin, C. L., Andrews, N., Zosuls, K. M., & Ruble, D. N. (2021). Enjoying each other’s company: Gaining other-gender friendships promotes positive other-gender attitudes among ethnically diverse children. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 47, 1635-1653. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167220984407
Martin, C. L., Fabes, R. A., Hanish, L. D., Gaertner, B., Miller, C. F., Foster, S., & Updegraff, K. A. (2017). Using an intergroup contact approach to improve gender relationships: A case study of a classroom-based intervention. In A. Rutland, D. Nesdale, & C. Brown (Eds.), Handbook of group processes in children and adolescents (pp. 435–454). Wiley-Blackwell.
Halim, M. L., Ruble, D., Tamis-LeMonda, C. S., Shrout, P. E., & Amodio, D. M. (2017). Gender attitudes in early childhood: Behavioral consequences and cognitive antecedents. Child Development, 88, 882–899. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12642
May Ling Halim is an Associate Professor of Psychology at California State University, Long Beach, and the Director of the Culture and Social Identity Development Lab, where she researches gender and racial/ethnic identity development. She is a mother of two.
Carol Martin is a Cowden Distinguished Professor of Social and Family Dynamics at Arizona State University, and is the Director of the Children’s Attitudes and Relationships in Education (CARE) Lab, where she researches gender identity, stereotyping, peer relationships, and schooling.
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