Every day, numerous good little things happen to us. A friendly neighbor holding the elevator, a warm meal, being healthy and able to go to work (just to name a few). But when was the last time we stopped to appreciate each of these small blessings? More often than not, we tend to take these things for granted. 

Why does this happen? For one thing, we rapidly get used to the positive changes in our lives and always seem to strive for something better: a bigger house, a more suitable car, a job promotion. And, very frequently, we compare ourselves with people who are better off than us. These “upward comparisons” (as they are called) may lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, envy, and depression. Instead of appreciating what we already have, we long for greener grass—the grass someone else has. It does not seem to occur to us that other people would be extremely grateful to be in our position.

It's All A Matter Of Perspective

If you compare your financial situation with that of a billionaire (another upward comparison), you will likely feel that you have very little money. However, comparing yourself with a person facing bankruptcy (what’s called a “downward comparison"), chances are that you will feel more thankful for your economic status.

In addition to social comparisons, you can evaluate your current position by putting it side-by-side with what could have been, a process called counterfactual thinking. Just like social comparisons, counterfactual thoughts can be either upward or downward. After your manager awarded you a 5% raise, you might feel disappointed if you imagine getting a higher raise, say, 10% (an upward counterfactual). However, you could think about the possibility of not being given a raise at all. Similar to downward social comparisons, downward counterfactuals should likely have positive consequences, making you feel happy and thankful for your current situation.

In our research, my collaborator and I asked: Could these two types of comparative thinking be used to increase one’s feelings of gratitude?

We tested this possibility in two studies on teenagers. Teenagers are more likely than adults to engage in social comparisons, since at this time in their lives, they are trying to figure out who they really are.

In the first study, they read two very short stories presenting a good thing that happened to the main character. One of the stories revolved around a boy who was helped by his friend when leaving home to attend boarding school. The other scenario was about another teenager who took the bus to school every day, as his school was situated at a relatively great distance from his home.

Some of the teenagers in our study were given slightly different versions of the stories, which contained either a downward social comparison or a downward counterfactual. For instance, the boy in the first scenario thought about his new roommate, who unfortunately had no help when moving in. The teenager in the second story realized that if no school bus were available, he would have to walk the entire distance to school. Participants were then asked to estimate how grateful the boy would feel and how valuable the benefit that he received really was.

What we found was that, compared with participants who did not engage in downward comparisons, those who read the scenarios containing a downward social comparison or a downward counterfactual reported that the boy in the story would be more grateful. This was because they considered that the benefit presented in the story was more valuable.

Using a different set of scenarios in a second study, we assessed participants’ emotional state before—as well as after—they engaged in downward comparative thinking. As expected, we saw an increase in gratitude before to after. In addition, after downward comparative thinking, participants imagined that the character in the scenario would feel less negative emotion, compared with the initial assessment.

Of course, although it didn’t happen in our studies, downward social comparison may sometimes make us sad when we imagine the position of the person who is worse off. Likewise, reflecting on a particularly vivid downward counterfactual could also trigger negative emotions.

Changing Your Frame Of Reference

Thus, you see how easy it is to become more grateful by changing your frame of reference. Engaging in social comparisons and counterfactual thinking is very often spontaneous. However, with very little effort, you could learn to deliberately alter your comparative thinking for our own benefit. Teenagers especially could benefit from this, since as they transition from early to late adolescence, their level of subjective well-being decreases.

The next time you catch yourself being rather ungrateful, let downward comparisons serve as a reminder that little things should never be valued too lightly.

For Further Reading

Markman, K. D., & McMullen, M. N. (2003). A reflection and evaluation model of comparative thinking. Personality and Social Psychology Review7(3), 244-267. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0703_04

Nicuță, E. G., & Constantin, T. (2021). Take nothing for granted: Downward social comparison and counterfactual thinking increase adolescents’ state gratitude for the little things in life. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 22, 3543–3570. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-021-00382-5

Rusk, R. D., Vella-Brodrick, D. A., & Waters, L. (2016). Gratitude or gratefulness? A conceptual review and proposal of the system of appreciative functioning. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 17(5), 2191–2212. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-015-9675-z
 

Elena Gabriela Nicuță is a doctoral student in Psychology at the Faculty of Psychology and Education Sciences, Alexandru Ioan Cuza University of Iasi, Romania. Her research interests are within the domain of positive psychology, focusing on the determinants and effects of gratitude on people and organizations.