Do you have trouble not pondering about your workday, about interactions with clients and colleagues, the unfinished tasks you left behind, or the many meetings waiting for you tomorrow? Do you feel distracted by these thoughts and fear (or experience) that they impact how you interact with your spouse or children at home?

You are not alone! Indeed, many people report frequently getting stuck in work-related thoughts. Such “work creep” has gradually escalated in the modern world—and the spread of COVID-19 during the last two years, with many people having to work at home, has further complicated it. My research team explored this topic.

It’s Not As Simple As “Just Leave Your Work At The Office!”

We studied how individuals think about their workplaces when at home and how ruminating about work affects their family lives. It is easy to assume that thinking about work when at home can detract from family life. And sure enough, we found some of that. Being stuck in negative emotions due to ruminating—being angry or annoyed because of not being able to stop thinking about work—went with experiencing more conflict at home. People who continued to feel upset about work after they get home were more likely to be strained and felt they did not have enough time to spend with their family. Seems logical, doesn’t it? If we are mentally still at work, especially while being angry or worried about it, it’s not easy to be an attentive listener or a patient parent, who thrives in role play with their child—for the tenth time…

But The News Was Not All Bad!

Constructively thinking about work while at home—finding solutions for workplace problems—had the opposite effect! These individuals did not experience conflict, instead they even felt that their work role benefited the family role. They were happier, felt that their work role helped them be more fulfilled and more self-confident, and that they learned new skills and knowledge in their work role, therefore becoming better spouses and parents. Thus, there are even some positive benefits of continuing to think about work when at home.

How Can We Explain This Difference?

The difference between benefiting and interfering with family life may rest on a matter of perspective! Constructively thinking about work while at home broadens your horizon, it helps you zoom out of the specific problem to see the similarities between your work role and your family role—a first step in transferring your positive attitudes, emotions, and skills to the home domain. Conversely, focusing on feeling bad because of not being able to stop thinking about work narrows your horizon, and your ability to see experiences at work as a resource gets difficult (and it’s easier to see work as a burden).

What Now?

So, rather than attempting not to think about work while at home, try to do so in a constructive manner. Easier said than done, we know. Here are a few practical tips that can help you:

  • Write down the issue that you keep ruminating about. If you are pondering a conflict with a colleague or supervisor, you might want to write this colleague an email—without pressing “send.” Doing so helps you to understand what exactly bothers you and helps in finding (temporary) closure. That may be particularly helpful if you can’t immediately change the work situation. Go back to your notes on the next day to see whether they still bother you—if so, get in touch with your colleague or supervisor and attempt to solve the problem.
  • Achieving an emotionally satisfying feeling of closure is easier once you have completed the tasks. Depending on how long this would take, it might be worth getting the job done to then have your mind free to fully engage with your spouse and children. If this is not possible, take notes on the steps you need to do to get the job done—either in a notebook or write yourself an email. It’s better to invest these 5 to 10 minutes rather than being distracted the whole evening.
  • In our study, we also tested whether having more self-control helps in this process. Self-control did not help prevent the bad consequences of being stuck in negative emotions. But it helped people avoid getting stuck in negative emotions in the first place. Knowing this can be useful. If your self-control is low, which may be either a regular part of your personality or a temporary state of depleted willpower, you are more likely to get stuck in bad feelings from work. And even good self-control won’t help you once you find yourself stuck in feeling bad. If you cannot escape the bad mood, then perhaps it is best to be aware that you are at risk for saying or doing something you will regret.
  • Find a routine that helps you in transitioning from “being in work mode” to “being in family mode.” Some people prefer to be alone at first when getting home after a stressful day, to go for a run, or to simply switch clothes. What helps you?

In sum, thinking about work while at home brings your work home—and this can be positive or negative, depending on which aspects of work you focus.


For Further Reading

Junker, N. M., Baumeister, R. F., Straub, K., & Greenhaus, J. H. (2021). When forgetting what happened at work matters: The role of affective rumination, problem-solving pondering, and self-control in work-family conflict and enrichment. Journal of Applied Psychology, 106(11), 1750 – 1766. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000847
 

Nina M. Junker is an associate professor in work and organizational psychology at the University of Oslo, Norway. She primarily studies the work-family interface with a particular focus on transitioning from one role to another and its consequences for individuals’ well-being.